SLFK 212, February 26, 2004
Analysis/summary of what they have seen
Wedding is a complex process that involves not only
The couple
Their two families
But the whole community
And it is believed that nature participates in this also
Talk about rain on wedding Krut'ky
All of the veggie magic &endash; more of which they will see with tsyhanshchyna
This is the creation of a new family unit and that unit is the basis of all village life
This process is extremely dangerous
If things can go wrong in the courtship, even more danger in wedding
Pins in groom
Pins in all people doing preparations
Magic of the bread and the ritual towel/rushnyk
The extensive use of covered hands
The circumlocution &endash; not saying what you want or what you or up to
The power of the word in general
Using names and avoiding names
And this is now, not in the 19th century
In pollution vocabulary &endash; marriages with problems are often explained as the result of something that went wrong, or was done wrong during the wedding
The "cooked" marriage
The girlfriend who pushes bride off rushnyk
The dad who prevents a wedding to a party member in the middle of the ritual
The deal is an uneven deal
Groom's family gains and bride's family loses
They used to be compensated with bride price
To what extent are the skrynia/sunduk contents hers and to what extent do they go to the new family?
Jewelry for sure stays hers and passed to daughters or used for her own support, if she needs it
Because deal is uneven, remnants of things like bride price
Groom (actually his boiaryn) has to bargain at the door and pay
At least in a mock and ritual sense
Straw fires along the way, or tollgate/table where the groom's train must provide vodka/horilka and snacks
Ritual humiliation after the wedding is most often that of the parents of the groom &endash; they are the ones who gain the most
New family member
Someone to continue the family line
And the couple moves in with his parents NOW
They usually get own room built on to the main house, though
Antagonism between the two sides and reluctance of her side to give her up
The separate parties at the two houses
So different from customs in the US
Only the couple and their unmarried friends go back and forth between
The parents do not &endash; would be too much antagonism
Only family members that go with the couple are peripheral kin
For her, it is a young male relative, like the little kid in the tent who sold her
Or someone like the diadina &endash; the wife of her uncle
As a wife, she is an outsider, someone who herself came into the family at one point; was not born into it.
Let's look at morning after and some more issues
Consummation of marriage
Party with rebraiding of hair
Hair and consummation come in variable order
Display of some sign of virginity
Special ceremonial breakfast the next morning
Essentially her parents come over and acknowledge that she is now part of a new family
Tying the bride to a stake
The parents part already done above
New issues &endash; well, not quite new, but not discussed recently:
Using body to mark status
The hair, the kerchief
The issue of virginity and proclaiming virginity even now (well, sort of)
Recall the virginity issue with courtship, with rusalki
My interpretation &endash; this is a delicate negotiation that has more to do with offspring than virginity
Of course, if bride is a virgin, children have to be those of husband (well, all sorts of things are possible, but…)
Delicate negotiation of male and female power and control
What it boils down to is groom and his family accepts the bride and whatever issue = children there may be
Public display &endash; whether of shift or other red item &endash; is public symbol of acceptance of the bride
Old virginity tests &endash; she is checked for sharp objects; he is not
Using blood from an animal, esp. if marriage is consummated in the barn
Now, boiaryn or svat asks him and he says yes &endash; the kerchief hoisted up
Soviet era it was a red flag
Old stories of an experienced male taking the virginity of the bride
Dad of groom, svat, uncle
Ribbon method and then ribbon displayed
Perhaps (we do not know for sure) an older level when the couple did not find each other
But were matched up by their families
For economic reasons
For reasons of family alliances
You still see a great deal of ritual activity by elders, throughout the wedding
Old lack of choice may help explain extensive fortune-telling activity that goes along with courtship
If you cannot make your own choice, and thus have some control in the situation
At least you can find out; a type of control
Keep selection by elders in mind as we go through the steps that we know about
Russian material more severe and more extreme
Once the couple has decided to marry
Request for the girl's hand in marriage
Often NOT by the prospective groom
Though can be something like the Ukrainian one
Perhaps biggest difference is role of married women from his side
Russian svakha method
She shows up
Never tells you what she wants
Never gets a yes or no answer
Still everyone knows why she is there
The prospective bride serves her
What she says is "we have a rooster and we hear that you have a hen"
Our ram has been wondering off somewhere
Is it true that you have a ewe?
The yes or no is bread for yes and watermelon for no
Vodka for yes and tea or water for no
This totally female exchange is one of the things that makes people think that, before, it was an economic arrangement
Woman from the groom's side checks her out for:
Behavior = deference to future female in-laws, ability to serve
Ability to work = check out her embroidery
Health = ability to bear children
Not that much concern for beauty
Though some of the courtship descriptions have a whole lot of stuff and women and men trying to make self more attractive
Usually plumper, esp. fuller in the chest
Taller &endash; padding in shoes
Smell nice
Rosy cheeks
If answer is yes, then there is a second round when the men show up to arrange money
Basically the amount of the bride price
What the groom's family will pay the bride's family for her
Balance beam method
If this agreement is concluded favorably, the bride is supposed to run away and hide and have to be forcibly brought back
She makes a BIG show of NOT wanting to marry
She is often removed from her family at this point
Covered with a shawl
She may stop eating with the family
Will eat by herself after everyone else has eaten
She is not part of the family and does not have the same claim to their food
She is usually excused from work that contributes to the family
Allowed to put the finishing touches on her wedding chest contents
Usually one more exchange
The ritual inspection of the bride by the groom's family
The groom's family arrives
Demands to see her
She is brought out under the shawl
They insist on seeing her, not the shawl
Can be joking substitutes of other family members, esp. very old or very young
Ritual inspection of the groom's possessions by the bride's family
They go to his house
Check out the house, the farm
How much does he have by way of land and crops
How much cattle