*Begin with some praise. Refer to the expectations spelled out
in the assignment.
e.g., You do a great job of setting up your problem statement:
the consequences nicely spell out what readers have to lose if
they continue to believe in the status quo.
*Mention the one or two biggest issues that need revision. Refer
to the expectations spelled out in the assignment.
e.g., The next step is to work on developing evidence and acknowledgment
and response. Remember from the assignment that the essay needs
to include at least two pieces of evidence to support each reason,
and at least two moments of a&r.
*For each issue:
* Offer a brief definition of the principle at stake, highlighting
why it's important to readers.
e.g., Remember that evidence needs to be accepted by readers as
fact; they should be able to look it up if they want to. The more
convincing your evidence, the more likely that readers will be
persuaded to agree with your claim.
* Cite one or two numbered locations in the paper
where the principle needs revision. (And possibly one or two numbered
locations where
the students has executed the element well.) Be as specific as
possible about where and what the problem is.
e.g., Though you do offer some factual pieces of evidence --
as at #4 -- in other places you rely too heavily on your
personal experience to prove points about trends in college governance
-- take a look at #2, 3, and 6. Your readers -- the University's
Board of Governors -- probably won't take this evidence
as seriously as they would stats, surveys, or quotations from experts.
* Offer some advice for revision. This advice should be more general:
giving students resources or questions to ask themselves, rather
than answering the questions for them.
e.g., Go back through your reading summaries and look for evidence
from the articles you found to support your ideas. Try to imagine
what your audience will accept as fact.
* Give students a chance to revise. This may take
the form of a full-blown rewrite of an essay, or more targeted
revisions.
A student
who had trouble organizing can be assigned to outline her paper
and then to reorganize the outline. A student who failed to support
a point can be assigned to turn in a list of items that might
count as evidence for that point. A student whose paper does
not end
where it began can be assigned to write a new introduction.
* End with some praise.
e.g., This paper has come a long way since the outline; I look
forward to the next version!
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