Handey Warrants |
       
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Warrants Each of these words of wisdom from Jack Handey includes a claim and a reason. Ask students to identify the warrant that links them. (This is essentially a variation on Claim and Reason, Where's the Warrant? It's probably best to do at least a few of those first, since they're more straightforward.)
__________________________________________________________________________ Identify
the claim and reason in each sentence. Then figure out what warrant
connects the two. 1. I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep
both Dracula AND Superman away. 2. If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because
maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you
because, hey, free dummy. 3. I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people
their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with
my name on it. 4. I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without
hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd
never expect it. 5. To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something
when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can
you give me a hand?" You can say, "Sorry, got these sacks." 6. If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em
go, because, man, they're gone. 7. I wish I could have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed
out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years,
because I was thinking about doing that anyway. 8. Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right
there in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to
read good books. 9. I wish scientists would come up with a way to make dogs a lot
bigger, but with smaller heads. That way, they'd still be good
as watchdogs, but they'd eat a lot less. 10. You can't tell me that cowboys, when they're branding cattle,
don't sort of "accidentally" brand each other every once
in a while. It's their way of letting off stress. 1. Superman is afraid of Kryptonite and Dracula is afraid of crosses.
Or, Superman and Dracula exist. 2. People want dummies. 3. Once someone makes you a pet, they give you cute furniture. 4. The best response to innocence and vulnerability is aggression.
Or, war is good. 5. You should try to get out of work whenever you can. 6. Volcanoes are hot. 7. Tragic love affairs are good excuses to indulge our own sloth. 8. It's creepy to have be too close to an author. 9. Dogs are good for protection, but a drain on the household economy. 10. Cowboys feel stress. Or, inflicting pain lets off stress. |